Book Wish List

Feeling pretty tired and, well, gross today, so a short post: books I'm coveting. If anyone has read any of these books, I'd love your input...especially if you've applied some of the birthing methods.

10 Week Update

Here we are, in week 10!

According to the email newsletter I get from Welcome Baby Home (which is wonderful - I highly recommend it for new mama's), we are out of the "danger zone", for the most part. Most congenital defects occur before week 10, and miscarriage is only 2% instead of 20 now. Out of the embryonic period, and into the fetal period now, the critical part of baby's development is behind us.

Now there is the question of testing...

My midwife made me aware of a couple of screening tests last week, and - of course - told me it's entirely our decision, whether or not to do which, if any of them. Michael and I need to discuss this further, but from where I stand (and from some of the things I've read), I don't think they're necessary. First of all, the screenings only indicate a "likelihood", from which it may then be recommended that other tests are done. The tests that can be done after that are still not accurate enough for me to accept the unnecessary stress. Besides, what's the use?

Termination is apparently an option, should we find out there are birth defects like Spina Bifida, which can be fatal, and if we were to get the test results in time. But, termination is not an option for me. I'm not opposed to abortion in general - it's an individual choice and a choice one has to live with. But, just as I don't (personally) view abortion as a means of contraception, I don't think I could live with terminating a baby on a "possibility".

Amnio is reportedly dangerous (though, they say if miscarriage happens due to amnio, it was probably going to happen anyway), and finding out if the baby has Downs could enable us to prepare for what's to come. But, there again - adding undue stress on the pregnancy based on a "what if".

They aren't 100% accurate, they merely give you "odds". So why all the worry and stress, only to find out that the baby is just fine once he/she arrives in the world? Why not let nature take its course and not "play god". Sure, if the baby comes along and there are problems, it will be difficult, but nothing we can't handle. We're not living in biblical times, and society isn't going to "shun" my baby because it's "defective", and neither are we.

Since I'm under 35 (phew!), and we both have good health and family histories, the likelihood for a birth defect is low - very low. That's not to say that something couldn't happen, but the odds are good enough that I prefer to keep my pregnancy a peaceful one, and wait to meet this beautiful little person, in all his/her glory, when he/she arrives!

(btw: I realize the he/she thing is going to get old, but I don't want to find out the gender. I prefer that to be a surprise as well!)

So, to end this blog, just a quick note on how I'm feeling (because everyone asks, and I might as well put it in writing here for everyone to read, than repeat myself 20 times):

-The nausea is getting better - much better! If I feel it, it's overwhelming, but it's not all day, every day, and it seems to be set off by an empty stomach or stinky odors. I seemed to have found my rhthym for keeping food in my tummy, and eating the right foods in the right amounts to keep the constipation at bay too. Either I'm getting smarter, or the baby is just giving me a break. Either way, it's been much more pleasant these days. Some of our friends who haven't seen me in several weeks may finally start seeing my ugly face again soon!

-Other than the tummy stuff, the only issue I seem to be having these days is hormonal. Something was said to me the other night that hurt my feelings, and I cried on and off all day yesterday. Of course, it's all hitting me now too, I think. Now that we're far enough along that I'm truly accepting that "this is going to happen!", there has been a rush of different feelings and it can be a bit overwhelming. But, I'm taking it in stride, and I have a wonderful partner to lean on.

-Still up in the night, every two-three hours, peeing. I'm either getting used to it, and accepting that this is practice for the nights to come, or I'm in sleep-deprivation-walking-zombie mode and all should beware! Either way, I'm not doing too terribly bad. I feel worse for Michael, who has a difficult time getting to sleep as it is, and then if I get out of bed in a hurry, it wakes him, and he has to try to get back to sleep again. I guess he's getting his practice too!

-Tummy hasn't "popped" yet. It may be that it would be noticeable if I didn't have any fat on my tummy, but I guess it isn't uncommon to not "look" pregnant yet. Soon enough!

There's a lot to read here as it is, so I'll sign off now. Thanks, everyone, for reading and for the comments! It means a lot to me that folks are interested, and paying attention to what's happening in our world!

Be well:)

PS: Michael found this really cool video, so I had to share!

Good Friday

Had the exam today, and I'm so happy that's done! I hadn't had an exam in a few years, and was a little nervous. I'm relieved to find out that everything is checking out good thus far!

I met with the second of 7 midwives, this time Janis. Very kind and, like John, very thorough. There was a really good rapport between us, and if I could choose who delivers my baby, I would probably choose Janis. But, alas, it's luck of the draw..who ever is on call the day baby decides to come to us. So, I'll be wanting to meet all of them. With at least 12 visits, we should be able to accomplish that.

Some things I found out today (or, at least, feel more confident about):

~I am O negative blood type. With Michael being O positive, the baby will most likely be positive, and I'll be administered Rho-GAM.

~I have a "beautiful" pelvis, which I assume means "good for baby making"

~All numbers are good, including blood pressure, hemoglobin, etc.

~Weight gain not an issue at this point

~Fibroid is in the uterine wall. There is NO worries about its location or size, even if it grows (which is likely during pregnancy). It will most likely move up and out of the way, meaning delivery should not be affected. It is quite likely the cause of pressure on my bladder right now.

~I was assured that the nurse midwife delivers the baby, and at no time is there a "switch-off" to a doctor, which is a common misunderstanding (unless, of course, something goes drastically wrong).

Also, Janis's opinion on the matter of midwife vs. doctor is that the midwife is there throughout the labor process, coaching and directing, telling me when I should get up and walk, take some fluids, take a bath, etc. Often times doctors check on progress and leave you to it. During the pregnancy, she feels it's her job to best inform me, so that I can make my own choices about how to proceed. She'll never push a medication or test on me - it's my choice. Of course, a midwife's approach to health and pregnancy (much like my own outlook on health) is wellness, not necessarily "healing". I'm not sick because I'm pregnant, so she isn't "treating" me. She's helping me be as healthy as I can be, to ensure a safe and healthy pregnancy and delivery. This is precisely why my "gut" told me to choose a midwife! :)

One last, and really wonderful item of interest, is that I heard the heartbeat again! Michael and I were able to hear it at the ultrasound appointment, because the tech was kind enough to turn the volume up. This time, I heard it through doppler. Janis tried it once, before the exam, and wasn't picking up on anything. She decided to give it one more try after the exam...and we heard it! She was just as glad as I was, I think. When I heard that, I felt my smile was at least as wide as it was my entire wedding day...with a different emotion behind it. One of relief, as well as of a contentedness I've never felt before...

So far so good!

Mama do

= Happiness!

















So very happy with the new hair! It's super easy, and I feel like myself again. Yay!!

I just want to give a shout out to those of you who supported me in the 2 1/2 years it took to grow my hair out! Thank you so much for your support and patience, and just know that it was not for nothing, just because I cut it all off. Growing out my hair was a challenge to myself, one that I'd attempted far too many times to count. But, as I said the whole time I "had hair", it was never my intent to always have it. I had short hair for nearly twelve years, and I really came into myself in those years. Perhaps it has more to do with that than anything else, but I really didn't see "myself" with all that hair on my head.

I can say one thing, though: I'm really happy about having pictures of our wedding day, regardless of the length of my hair (which is something I was concerned about). The important thing about those pictures is that they capture the happiness and the magic of the day. And, that was "me", and continues to be, no matter the length of my hair.

My husband deserves an award, and I cannot say thanks enough for his patience! (I promise, babe, that this is it...I'm not going to subject you to the horrendous growing-out phase again, nor will I force you to "re-acquaint" yourself with me each time I have new hair (and, therefor, look like someone new)).

Fibroids...and my tendancy to worry

Oi. Like a woman (particularly a woman who worries too much to begin with) needs anymore to worry about with her first pregnancy.

I've been trying to let go of this curiosity since I left the clinic on Friday, but I finally just told myself that it's better to be informed than to ignore something, simply for the sake of relieving some worry. Even though my midwife told me that fibroids are "typically" benign, and everything I've read about them say the same thing, it's still haunts me...in fact, in haunts me even more, now that I know more about them.According to womenshealth.gov, they can range in size (acorn, to...volleyball??) and severity of symptoms, there is no real "cause" for them, other than genetics and hormones, and they can cause difficulties in pregnancy and delivery. Good to note, however, that having one doesn't necessarily make you more inclined to get more, nor does it make you more susceptible to cancer. My question, of course, is: how do we know if a fibroid is cancerous? Even if it is something like 1 in 1000...there's still a chance. It seems as if, when something is as uncommon as 1 in 1000, doctors (and midwives) seem to be so passe about it, as if it's never a problem. They just drop this ball in your lap - "..oh, and it looks like you have a fibroid..." - and expect you to trust "it's not atypical" as being some sort of conclusion or end-all statement to the issue.

Well, all I can do now is be the healthiest, most informed mama I can be, and play an active role in following every detail of my pregnancy. This is, I guess, where they say you should be part of the team, and not just watch from the sidelines, when it comes to your health. There's never been a more crucial time for that than now. I'm going to ask a lot of questions at my exam appointment on Friday, and if I don't feel like I'm getting complete, reassuring answers, I will keep pressing. My concern at this point is pre-term labor and breech birth, and what, if anything, I can do to make sure those things are less likely to happen. Not to mention, C-section is 6 times more likely, which is disappointing to me...

Oi.

Happy Monday!

Just a short, "how I'm feeling" post today.

I'm actually feeling really good today! Lots of energy and no nausea (knock on wood). So, I'm busy cleaning, cleaning, cleaning!!! Windows are open, and we're getting this stinky place aired out (if you've heard anything from me lately, it's probably that everything stinks!). Which brings up an interesting point..Mike and I were contemplating why sense of smell is heightened during pregnancy. Does anyone know? I was going to Google it, but haven't sat down long enough to do that yet..or, if I have, I haven't thought to do it.

I got my hair cut on Saturday, and - like it always did before - it's given me "new life"! It's strange to think how much of an effect hair can have on a person. I grew my hair out, as a challenge to myself, to see if I could follow through. I had attempted so many times before, just like attempting to quit smoking, so I wanted to just "do it already!". So I did, and now that's done. The decision to cut my hair shorter came with the frustration of having all this hair and never doing anything with it. It was tied always up and pulled back. Then, when that initial haircut was a disaster, I decided to go shorter still, and called it my "mommy do", anticipating not only wanting less worry in the hair department once baby comes, but also not wanting long, heavy hair during the Summer, when I'll be fat, hot and miserable. Then, after about a month of that haircut, I figured, why not go all the way?! Why not make the hair not only easier, but just plain easy?? As in, the way it used to be. I'm so glad I did! It's like coming home. After years of short hair, the growing out phase was a challenge, and at times fun, but just not "me". I finally see me when I look in the mirror. Will post pictures soon!

I'm getting together with my wonderful friend, Meredith in an hour, so I'm off to scoop up the laundry and take a shower. I'm really looking forward to the appointment on Friday, and will post on any news from that. If you don't hear from me before then, have a great week!!

Update. And, happy Friday the 13th!!

I went into the clinic today, to give a urine sample. I found out last week, at my nurse visit, that I had a bladder infection. News to me, since I had absolutely no symptoms (until later that day, oddly enough). So, I took the medication for the seven days required, and finished it up on Wednesday this week. The last couple of days, and during the week of antibiotics, I've felt as if I wasn't getting better. The only symptoms I've had (and seem to continue having) are lower pelvic pressure and a feeling of fullness in the bladder and then not seeming to empty it when I pee (this happens about every 3 or 4 times I sit down to pee). A little concerned that the medication hadn't cleared up the infection, I called the clinic this morning and they just happened to have a cancellation, so I got in right away.

Everything is fine. No more infection, and everything else seems to be normal. Now, I'm not one to worry over every little pain and twinge, and I don't go running to the doctor's office for medication - like, ever (if you know me, you that I'm pretty adamantly against popping a pill to "heal", unless/until it's absolutely necessary). But, this is my first pregnancy, and I'm a little paranoid. I figure, I have health insurance, so I should take advantage of it and head off any difficulties right away - or, at least rule them out. So that's what I did.

And I'm glad I went, for several reasons. First, the obvious: peace of mind. To have a doctor (in my case, a midwife) tell me - actually, show me - that everything is testing okay, and that I have nothing to worry about, is comforting. Second, I finally got to meet one of the midwives - and it was John! The one and only male midwife in Minnesota (referred to him in my first post)! He is super nice, and very thorough. He did a spectacular job of making me feel better about things, and didn't make me feel like and idiot for coming in and having all kinds of questions. We talked about all of the possible reasons for my "symptoms", one being that I have a fibroid on my uterus, making my uterus larger than usual, and thus pressing on the urethra making me feel like I have to pee. (by the way, fibroids - I found out - are not atypical, and are usually benign) Also, we'll check during my exam next week if I have a tilted uterus - I had read about that, and asked if that could be a possible reason for all of this discomfort. After informing me that I could take a drug that would help in the coating of the bladder, which could be inflamed from the infection, I told him I didn't want to take anything unnecessary, and he said not to worry about it. He suggested I try cranberry tablets, just to keep things running smoothly, and to try leaning back when I'm peeing to make sure I'm emptying my bladder completely. As he puts it, a couple of different things are competing for space in there right now, making it a bit more difficult for smooth sailing. But it should get better once I'm in my second trimester and things reposition.

Lastly, I was really happy to be able to ask some questions, and felt much more at ease about some things when I left. First, we are 8 weeks and 5 days along (which answers one of my questions I had posed in my first post), so very nearly 9 weeks. That is so exciting to me, I can't even tell you! We're that much closer to the second trimester. At the exam next Friday, we'll be nearly 10 weeks. I can almost breathe a sigh of relief. Fingers and toes are still crossed, of course. I also asked if I should be concerned about my weight gain (they weighed me again today: 168 - eesh!). John assured me that, so far, I shouldn't be concerned, and that a lot of women are a bit surprised in their first trimester to be packing it on so quickly. But, evidently there is a lot of fluid retention in that weight right now (especially if I'm having some issues), and it should even out very soon. We'll keep an eye on it.

I wanted to post a picture of what our baby might actually "look like" right now, so I found an image on the web and posted it. It's just fascinating to me that something so tiny can have all these miniature organs and parts, even if he/she is only about the size of a grain of rice!

Score!

I had to post on my genius craigslist score. On Sunday, I was just browsing craigslist for things we're looking to purchase (rocking chair, chest freezer, etc.) and came across this woman's ad for G Diapers.

If you're not familiar, G Diapers is a great company that makes a flushable - or compostable - diaper liner, which slips into a pant that gets Velcroed on and is - obviously - reusable. The liner breaks down in about 90 days, and has absolutely no plastic in it.

Now, Michael and I are quite sure we'll be using cloth diapers, but this is the sort of thing that will make being out and about a little more convenient. Yes, convenience...that which started the whole nasty dependence on landfill-filling disposables. Well, this way, we can have the convenience and feel okay about it.

The cost of these, of course, is not cheap. Nothing worth doing these days - that is to say, anything having to do with sustainability, and isn't being used by the majority - is expensive. It's bound to be, until more people catch on and start buying this stuff. Well, this ad on craigslist was for a starter kit (two pants and 10 liners), as well as another package of liners...FOR FREE!!! Free to the first one to grab it. So I did!

I went over to St. Paul on Tuesday and picked up the stash (oh, and the extra package of liners - 40 of them!), and came home a happy mama-to-be. Oddly enough, I had just tried to win a starter package over at G Diapers a little over a week ago, and didn't. I guess I was meant to have it anyway.

And, I just have to say: how great it is that someone is willing to give something away that they don't need, instead of selling it. Not to toot my own horn, but I'm constantly finding things to get rid of in our house, and they always get loaded up and taken to a thrift store like Goodwill or The Arc. But it seems so few people are willing to do that. Everyone needs money back on every little thing they own. Don't get me wrong - there are things you pay good money for, and if hardly used, you should sell them, especially if you're in dire need of the cash. This woman was given this stuff by her sister because she is a new mom, but they were too small for her baby by the time they came to her doorstep. She could have posted these things for sale, even though she didn't pay for them - because that's what a lot of folks would do. Luckily, for us, she just happens to be "our kind of people". :)

Other helpful links:

On using cloth diapers versus disposable: here and here

Donation sites: The Arc and Goodwill and Steeple People

First mama post!

This is my first post on mama stuff, so I feel I should give some background and stats on the pregnancy thus far.

First, we discovered - by an impulsive jolt to the drug store - that we're pregnant, on January 8th. A couple weeks prior to taking said test, I had been feeling..'not quite right'. My body just felt odd, in the digestive sense. I was constipated, bloated, gassy and just plain miserable. I chalked it up to the fact that, while Michael's mom was visiting at the end of December, not only did I drink more tea and coffee than water, I also found it difficult (as I usually do in the company of "outsiders") to poop (sorry if you don't like the word..we're very comfortable, here at Casa Hord, speaking freely of bodily functions). Even in the comfort of my own home. But, the discomfort carried on long enough that I started to wonder... Before really figuring out when my last period was, I assumed the next was on its way the week of the 5th, because I was feeling all of the symptoms I normally felt the first day (lower back pain, breast tenderness, etc.). When Wednesday came, and my period didn't, I was experiencing some extreme pain due to the constipation. At the same time, I actually did the period math and realized that I was a week early in my thinking, and that I was in fact not due for it as I'd thought.

I made an appointment for the following Friday to get a vaginal exam done, since I haven't had one in about three years (I know). We were a bit concerned that all of this pain and stuff was related to something in that arena. Thursday came, and I was still feeling pretty rotten. When Michael came home, I said to him that perhaps we should get a pregnancy test anyway, even though I wasn't technically "late". He proceeded to tell me (grinning from ear to ear) that he very nearly stopped on the way home and picked one up. (I guess we both "felt" something) We decided that we would go out together, after my coffee date with a girlfriend that evening, and get a test. (This particular girlfriend, of course, told me at coffee that she was absolutely convinced I was pregnant -- before I even mentioned the idea; apparently my "habits" had started to change...)

When I came home, Michael had gone out and gotten a test as a surprise. And a lollipop. (if you're an avid Friends watcher, as we are, you get the reference) I hurried into the bathroom, and he after me, and I peed on the stick. I set the stick down on the edge of the bathtub, and no more than pulled my pants up, and looked down to see that the ClearBlue test did in fact say, "Pregnant". (!) I looked at Michael, as he was reading all of the info included in the test box, and asked what the likelihood was of a false positive. He looked at me, and upon immediately reading my face, looked down at the test and started jumping up and down. He had the cutest, yet strangest, look on his face...one that I can honestly say I had never seen before. It was the look of a very contented papa, absolutely surprised, elated, scared and giddy - all wrapped in one facial expression. We hugged each other, while he couldn't stop hopping up and down - so we were essentially hug-hopping (a new term; feel free to use it) for about a minute. Then we stopped, looked at each other, speechless, almost in tears and trying to catch our breath. From that moment on, Micheal has been a beaming papa.

I, on the other hand, am understandably all over the place. Due to hormones and exhaustion and the fluctuations of constipation and gas, not to mention breast tenderness of a level I've never felt before (did someone use my breasts as punching bags while I was sleeping last night!?!), I was really in a different place about the whole thing every other day for about a week and a half. And, of course, I'm terrified of the idea that I may miscarry (evidently there's a 20% chance in the first trimester).

A saving grace came by way of an email from one of Mike's wonderful cousins, Chris. She had emailed me, asking if/when it would be appropriate to send a gift. We exchanged emails, and after I had expressed my concern, she gave me some very inspirational words that have stuck with me ever since. That was, basically, that I need to embrace this right now and love this little one no matter the outcome. And that this baby already loves me more than anyone ever could. As I'm writing this I'm nearly in tears, as I was when I first read her words. And so, as much as I know it's still a possibility, I'm choosing to love and embrace being pregnant, no matter the outcome. I feel much more at peace these days, especially the farther along we get.

So, that brings us to just how far along we are. According to the ultrasound we had on the 27th, we are now in our 8th week. I think. It's hard to actually say what week, because the ultrasound tech said "5-6" weeks then, so this week we would be "7-8" weeks. Do we just call it whatever we want? If so, I say 8. I'm assuming that with the exam on the 20th of this month, we'll have a clearer answer. By then, we should 10 weeks along!

I'm not starting to show, per se, except that I look fatter in the middle. It's difficult to say, however, since I had started to gain some "Winter weight" almost simultaneously. I'm going to be straight and honest here on my blog, as much as I possibly can, so that I may help and encourage other women. I think we, women, have enough issues with body image and what is the "right weight" to begin with, without bringing all of that into our pregnancies. Don't get me wrong, it's about being healthy and providing as good a beginning for your child as possible, and being too thin as well as too heavy can present problems. That said, I weighed in at the initial doctor's visit (to confirm the pregnancy) at 162 1/2 lbs. I was technically 3 weeks, so I'm calling that my start weight. Last week, at my labs, I weighed 166. I've already gained 3 1/2 pounds, which could be considered too much, but I'm not too worried about it. According to what I've read about weight gain in pregancy, there is a certain amount "expected" to be gained in the first trimester (2-4 lbs.). I think I'll be okay. I'm more concerned with exercise than I am with actual weight at this point. Spring cannot come quickly enough. I just want to get out and walk, walk, walk!! I am, and always have been, concerned about the girth of my lower body (butt and thighs), which is where the weight becomes an issue. Walking will help trim that portion of my body immensely. If, at my appointment next week, I weigh in any closer to 170 than I am, I'll discuss it with my midwife...

Who, I can't wait to meet, by the way! Evidently, Fairview has about as many midwives on staff as OB's. They all work at the birth center, and we feel very secure in the knowledge that they are backed by a University staff of OB's and surgeons. Oh, and they have the only male midwife in the state! (though, would he still have the title, 'midwife'?). How cool is that?

My tummy at 4 weeks. Keep in mind, if it looks like a pregnant tummy, it's probably due to the fact that I'm constantly bloated (distention due to constipation). And the fact that I had gained a
bout 5 lbs. of Winter insulation. It's clear, in this picure too, just how poor my posture is (I've always stood with my pelvic tilted forward, ever since I was a kiddo). I hope that doesn't cause undue discomfort later in pregnancy...