Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Pictures


Just a reminder to head over to Mike's Picasa site to see pictures. I'm trying to upload often, so that everyone can see how quickly Charlotte is changing and growing.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

The Family Bed



We share our bed with Charlotte. She's been there since the second week of her life, and it works out pretty splendidly. Save for transitional times (growth spurt!) or when she has a cold, we all sleep pretty well together. Mind you, this isn't easy right from the start and it does take some sacrifice.

But it is SO worth it! The first time I slept next to my baby girl, it was magical. We both awoke refreshed, and there really isn't any way to explain what it's like to see that beautiful face first thing when I open my eyes. Of course I was nervous, the first, second, third time. But I very quickly understood the natural instincts we have as mothers, and my confidence began to grow. It still took several weeks to figure out how to lay, what method of covering myself up worked (our bedroom doesn't maintain a temperature for anything) and how to night nurse lying down. That latter hurtle has saved us many, many nights of baby waking completely, just to snack and fall back asleep.

Of course, there's all kinds of controversy and so many opinions on this issue. I'm not going to go into it all here, except to say that all safety measures are taken into account, so not to worry there. We don't drink heavily (I have had two small glasses of wine, total, in the whole 3 months of her life thus far; and Michael doesn't drink anywhere near bedtime), we don't use drugs, we don't smoke, we don't wear bulky clothing or use large, overstuffed bedding and there's nothing for her to get wedged into/between. I firmly believe in mother's instincts in the "rolling over" argument.

This works for us. It will work for us until Charlotte is ready to sleep elsewhere (and, no, it won't be when she's 15; children wean themselves naturally when they're ready - if they're not ready, there's a reason, and it's not because they're "spoiled").

What I know is this: I sleep better knowing that Charlotte is breathing, comfortable and safe. I like knowing that I may just be saving her life by being in-tuned to her breathing patterns, and will therefor wake up if she stops breathing (who know, perhaps I have/do). I don't have to get up in the night to feed her, which means we hardly wake up at all, which means better sleep for both of us.

Don't get me wrong. Like I said in the first paragraph, it's not easy at first. We're still figuring out how warm the room should be, how warmly dressed Charlotte needs to be, how confident papa is about sleeping next to her (we're getting closer), and so on. And, this last week or two has been rough, because she's had nasal congestion, which means more night fussing. But that would happen if she were in her crib. This way, we can comfort her immediately. If the comforting and consoling doesn't work, we have long nights. But a baby with a cold will give you long nights anyway. I'm convinced that her lying next to me, nursing as she needs to (which has also increased during this miserable time), is helping her get over this and feel better.

(for the record, just about a month ago, Charlotte's sleep schedule started looking like this: to sleep around 10 (she has made it well known that this is her bed time, and not a minute earlier), sleeps until 3 or 4, nurses for a bit and falls back to sleep, wakes anywhere from 5:30-6:30 to nurse again, and then sleeps until 7 or 8; so, waking up twice, essentially, but really sleeping for 9 hours overall. Works for me!)

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Big Ol Baby Diaper Butt

Have you ever seen a baby's butt in a cloth diaper? For some reason, it's really cute, all over-sized and super-padded. Plus, you can pat, pat, pat the butt and not feel bad about it. In fact, most kids love it.

We've been using cloth diapers from day one, and have tried a few different ones. I had no idea how many different "types" there were out there. I thought, "Cloth is cloth, what's the mystery?". Boy, was I wrong.

This is my review of the different types of diapers we've used (and we've only tried a few). I wanted to do this for those who would like to try cloth, but have yet to. Perhaps you're pregnant and feel as strongly as we did, early on, about using them. To be honest, I'm tired of the whole diaper thing already, and can completely understand someone wanting to switch to disposables. Which is why I've included a segway to "EC-ing" at the end. Keep reading to find out what that is.

(However understanding I am of the desire to use disposables, it's my opinion that one should at least TRY cloth; it is smarter on the pocketbook, healthier for baby and nicer on our earth - hands down)

G Diapers
Our initial introduction to "cloth" was the G Diaper. I was attracted to this brand, at first, for their disposable "inserts" that get flushed down the toilette. Yep, flushed right down. Cool, right? Well, they aren't the easiest things to flush - you have to rip apart the insert and flush one part and then the other, all the while using the "swish stick" attached to the toilette to help break it down. Not a bad alternative to the standard disposable, just not practical. I was really excited, however, when I learned that this company was offering washable cloth inserts. Since we had already bought the "G pants" and liners, I was happy knowing that we could use either the disposable or the cloth inserts with them. If you're unfamiliar (as I was) with the terms: the "pants" are basically a cloth "over" pant that Velcros onto baby and covers the liner; the "liner" snaps into the pant and holds the insert in place; the "insert" is what gets pooed and peed on. In my opinion, neither the cloth nor the disposable insert worked great. The cloth didn't absorb much at all, so if it got peed on once, the next pee or a poo just ran right off. Yuk. The disposable inserts were better for absorption, as disposables usually are, but still not great. The downside, altogether, is that Charlotte outgrew the pants very quickly. They come in graduating sizes and we started with the small, of course. They were a bit too big for her as a newborn (and didn't leave room for the stub, of course), and very quickly became too small in the waist. The next size would have fit her waist, but not her legs (a problem we have with any diaper, it seems). They're just too expensive to be buying the next size that quickly.
My grade for G Diapers: C+

Fuzzi Bunz
We received 5 pairs of the Fuzzi Bunz brand cloth diapers as gifts from family. I'm glad we didn't buy them ourselves, especially as many as we would have needed. Babies eliminate A LOT the first few months (I had no idea!) and we went through these far too quickly. They do absorb quite well, but we had two problems with these: they leak out the legs, since - like I said - Charlotte's legs are too small for diapers to fit properly, it seems. Especially since she's a side sleeper. For some reason, the snapping system just didn't adjust well enough to be snug around her legs without being then too snug at the waist. Perhaps I just wasn't using them correctly. Regardless, they didn't work for us. Plus, they kind of smelled after a couple of uses.
My grade for Fuzzi Bunz: B-

Tri-Fold
These are the traditional cloth diapers, which get pinned or snapped on, and used with a cover of some sort. This is what we're using currently, and probably will until Charlotte is out of diapers (unless we are successful with the EC method, in which case we'll get a special type of diaper system). We were very fortunate that a friend gifted us the first 12 weeks of diaper service. We had every intention of cleaning the diapers ourselves, if we had decided to go with cloth, but I'm quite glad we didn't have to do that - especially - in the first few weeks. With all the other new things that come with the new parenting experience, not to mention all the laundry we were doing by using washable wipes, reusable breast pads and burp cloths, it was a relief not to have to wash 80 diapers a week. The trouble with these was finding the right cover. Not to mention just how best to secure them to the baby bottom. We used the Snappi closure for a while, but Charlotte outgrew the baby size, and we've since just found a way to do without it, or pins (we've never even tried pins). The diaper service (Do Good Diapers, btw; awesome folks!) lent us some Proraps covers, and those worked fine for a while. Once Charlotte was getting bigger and "sitting" more (in my arms, in the bouncy seat, and practicing sitting up), this cover's front got to be to high on the tummy and there isn't nearly enough flexibility in the waist. We found the Thirsties brand at Pea Pods in St. Paul, and those seem to be a better fit. Though, as with all covers, there's a size range, and Charlotte is very quickly moving from one size to the next. This isn't a "cheap" process, trying to figure out what works. I've yet to do the math, but I'm sure we're still coming out ahead of using disposables...especially with our super-efficient-eliminator of a baby, and with the fact that if we were using disposables, we would choose (and DO choose, for being out and about) Seventh Generation diapers for the chlorine-free factor. All said, the good ol' cloth diapers are great. One negative, once you've figured out which cover works best and how to fold and secure them, is that they absorb about 2 potties' worth before they're soaked, so you do go through a lot of them. On the plus side, as with all cloth diapers, you're less likely to experience diaper rash, and it's just a good thing knowing that nothing is next to baby's skin that shouldn't be.
My grade for tri-fold diapers: B+

Now, to get on with the business of EC-ing. Elimination Communication is a really interesting and exciting (at least to me) thing I read about in the beginning of this parenting experience, but have just recently looked seriously into. I was inspired when I met someone the other day who said they've been doing it with their 18-month old since she was 2 weeks old, and they've had to wash something like 5 diapers due to poo. 5! This amazing thing is pretty much what it sounds like. It's not potty-training, per se, because you're not training the baby to use the potty, so much as you're training yourself to read cues that the baby naturally sends to you that she has to eliminate. You then put her over the potty and she goes. Eventually, she'll get that that's where she goes, and she won't even want to go in a diaper. This is something they do all over the world, namely in tribal communities for obvious reasons. Check out this video of Maggie Howell taking about it. I watched it on Thursday and gave it a try. Charlotte peed the very first time we tried it. The second time, she peed and pooped. It's quite inspiring to see it happen so easily. Now the challenge is to start reading her cues and catch it more often than not, and eventually every time. And then, hopefully sooner than later, she'll know that mama will get her to potty when she needs to go. When she's walking, perhaps she'll be walking to the potty herself. I'm very excited about this process! This blog is very inspiring. I'll keep you posted on our progress.


Charlotte on her big girl potty

**Must state a warning here, for I had to learn this on my own: If you're ever going to try this (and this may be in a book I've yet to read, oops), be careful not to spread baby's butt too much when holding her/him over potty. I didn't even realize I was doing this, and Charlotte ended up with a tiny tear that lead to blood in her stool, which was a bit scary until we went to the Dr. and she saw what was wrong. Not a big deal, but I feel really bad, and the last thing I want to do is create any reason for Charlotte to associate this experience with pain**

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

"Play Dates"

Getting out of the house with babe is essential to sanity. I've known this all along, but am only beginning to understand its power, and actually doing it. But, getting THIS baby out of the house is quite a task! Getting dressed: horrid! Getting strapped into the car seat: horrendous!

You would think she was a cow being taken to slaughter. "NOOOO! I know where you're taking me, and I don't want any part of it."

Only, once we get to where we're going, she absolutely loves it! She is at the stage where strangers are interesting (they almost always get a charming, cheeky grin), and she loves the visual stimulation of being someplace different.

Today we went to Parenting Oasis. A mama/psychiatrist put together a place for mama's and babes to go, to simply get together and chat, or for more specific things like classes and the like. It's in the basement of a church, conveniently located (for us) at 39th and Chicago.

To be honest, it wasn't what I was expecting. I made a point to get to this one today because, on their website, it was supposedly a "new mom" thing: from 12 to 1, every Tuesday, drop-in, new moms come and talk and get support. Upon my arrival, I could see it was just a place for kids to run crazy and moms to sit and b.s. All well and good, just not what I was expecting. One nice thing happened, however: I met a really nice lady named Michelle, who has an 18 month old. Michelle says that her little one has never been an "easy" baby, and is only now starting to get easier. We exchanged phone numbers and I look forward to talking with Michelle in the near future, especially when I'm having a tough time with Charlotte and need to talk to someone who has been there.

Feeling adventurous today, we hit up another playdate in the afternoon. This one was put on by Minneapolis Hip Mama's, a group I've recently joined. I'm really glad we ventured out again, despite baby girl's attitude in the morning. I met a couple more awesome ladies and got to check out Sovereign Grounds, a coffee shop pretty close to home which has a kid's play area - perfect for mama's to get together with kids in tow. I'll definitely be doing the Hip Mama's events in the future.

A Man Very Much in Love

I see the beginning of the end.

The end of mama being the only person who can comfort baby girl, who can hold her "the right way", who can prompt a big, cheeky grin.

But one end means the beginning of something else equally wonderful, and that is the relationship between her and her papa.

It's a beautiful thing, and it's happening right before my eyes.

Happy Solstice.

What if...

What if you said "No" to it all. All the holiday "stress", which is mostly (if not entirely) brought on by consumerism. It can be let go if you choose.

I realize it isn't easy. If you already have children, you've probably already created for them "the magic of Christmas" by giving them gifts, introducing them to the idea of Santa Claus and allowing your parents and other relatives to dote upon them with a plethora of toys and other items of temporary gratification- most of which will be used/worn/eaten once, and thrown to the side while they await "the next one". That's not to say that you're a bad parent, or that I'm criticizing you, because of this...because you've "given in" to the mass-consumer mindset. It's been there your entire life. What else is there? Christmas=gifts.

Yeah, yeah. It's about "giving, not receiving". (though, is that really the lesson your kids are learning?) "Christmas is for the kids"....the kids who already have everything they need, and usually get what they want, as well, the rest of the year? (insert "help the needy" rant here)

I realize this is coming off as criticism and judgment, but what I'm really trying to do is ask the question(s). As a parent, I'm now faced with these choices. What sort of individual do I want my daughter to be as a result of her upbringing, and how can I positively influence her while in my care? I don't believe that by not giving her gifts at Christmas, that I'm denying her or depriving her of this "magical time". I really don't. Trying to get others (namely, grandparents) to understand this is already a challenge, and I see that it's only going to bring more challenges along the way. But, it's something we take quite seriously, our desire to reduce the consumer mindset in our household, and so we're ready for these challenges.

What do you think?

Monday, December 21, 2009

Parenthood...for real?

Wow. I haven't (really) written anything since that first week. What a ride it has been! Charlotte is now 14 weeks (15 this Friday) and we are 14 week old parents. I have to keep reminding myself of that latter fact when I just don't feel like I'm doing a very good job, which is more often than I'd like. It hasn't been easy, for obvious - and not so obvious reasons.

Obviously, being new parents presents challenges. Michael had NO experience with children before this, and I had barely a bit more than that. We have had to learn how to soothe her, how to feed her (what, you don't just stick the boob in?!), how to change her diaper (we're using cloth, which presents its own challenges), etc. But, Charlotte isn't just a baby. It seems (and even her pediatrician has observed this) she is a fairly "high need" baby. For those in the know, you may be thinking, "Yep. Been there. Continued luck with that.". For those who don't know, here's a good explanation by Dr. Sears. Read that; that pretty much sums up our little bundle of joy.



She is getting better. Turning a corner so to speak. And that's a relief. She's certainly waking up to the world around her, which brings more smiles to her face. She's using her arms, legs, hands and neck to navigate and manipulate, and that means she's using up some of that stored energy, and that's a very good thing!

I guess it's taken me this long to finally get something written here because I didn't want to write as if this parenting thing isn't beautiful and heavenly, which it's "suppose to be" (right?). Well, it isn't, and I was feeling guilty about feeling this way about it. But, a blog is - in my opinion - about being honest. Why else write one, and put it out there for everyone to read? Don't get me wrong: having Charlotte is life changing, and she makes us so very happy. I just don't think enough people are honest about how much work it is. Oh, you hear it all the time: "It's so much work, but it's sooo worth it!". But that's it. Nobody ever says, "Yeah, I don't know what the hell we were thinking".

So here it is. Honesty in my blog from here on out. You will, of course, hear about all of the wonderful things happening to us because of this incredible little creature, but you'll also hear about how many more gray hairs I've found since September (only had two - TWO - prior to this), how coffee and Coke (nectar of the gods) have more or less replaced my usual water and tea, and how, by the end of the day, I look forward to sleeping more than anything else. More than sex, more than eating, more than checking my Google reader. Sleep. The sweet release of 2, 3 or 4 hours in a row...IN A ROW! (Whoot)

I hope you look forward to hearing about parenthood on the REAL side of things, because I'm looking forward to writing about it. Until next time, I'll go wash up some dishes and you go enjoy yourself, hanging out at a coffee shop for endless hours or hopping in your car on a whim and heading on down the road. :)